So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
