I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
