I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
