I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
