I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
