Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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