I heard we made out
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
