who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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