Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm both gender and math confused
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