All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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