so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
