Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
