I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
