Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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