he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
