She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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