Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
