Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
