WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
