hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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