Say something about gay babies.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
