When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
