THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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