i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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