i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
