I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
