I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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