do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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