listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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