well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
