We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
