I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
