U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you never un-have a 4some
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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