hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
