I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
