Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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