Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
