I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
