tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
