Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
