Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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