we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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