grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
