Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize