K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
