Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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