so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
