I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
