So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
