I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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