he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
