I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
