R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
