dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
