i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
