Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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