ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
