I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
