it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
