you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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