I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who died my cat blue again?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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