i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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