okay pat passed out under dana's car
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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