i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
